I have now finished my AS Level exams, I will be receiving my results sometime in the Summer. I now have three weeks at college which I will have to be using to prepare for next year. Apparently, I have to start thinking about university now. There also remains the task of choosing courses for next year. At the moment I’m expecting to carry on with all the courses I’m doing, but it does need prayer.

I really don’t know what I will be doing next year. I have absolutely no confidence in my planning ability for the future. God will have to do something pretty miraculous whatever happens, because I am stumped. The choice seems so vast. I’m not sure about any of the courses I wanted to study. Please pray that God would put the right choices on my heart.

On Friday the 22^nd I will be visiting Oxford with Emma and some other people in the College’s able and talented group. I found out today I will also be going to Mark, Jonathan and Alastair’s joint birthday party, which is also a leaving party for Jonathan and Monika, who are heading to Tenerife; and Henna, who is leaving for Aberdeen University. I had previously expected to be returning too late, but it turns out I will be back shortly after 7, leaving plenty of time.

I have started reading “The End of Poverty” by Jeffrey Sachs for my Geography course next year. I’ve never really read a book as part of any course before (except English of course), and it’s an interesting novelty. I feel like a real student or something.

I have a lot on my mind, and I am not doing the best spiritually either. Perhaps it is a good thing that now my greatest desire is to be holy, but it doesn’t feel like it. I suppose I can take comfort in:

The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?

Because I no longer have a feeling of assurance. God’s Word is all the assurance we need, but on the other hand, it is nice not to doubt you are saved, but I know I do not seek the presence of God in vain. Even if my sin does stand in the way.

I have gone through such feelings many times, and come out stronger, but it is hard to see that. I know I have nothing to be depressed about, but depression can be a trial like any other, even in the absence of anything to actually be sad about. From an objective perspective, my life is fantastic.

Cooking for Engineers